Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize