I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
