you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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