I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
