why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
