i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
