just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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