Soap is not a condiment
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
