I want to walk on stilts...naked
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
