I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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