Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
