We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
