craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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