i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
