That's intense
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
