ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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