he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
