hotel room ftw
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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