She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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