Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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