he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Couch. On fire.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
