Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
