Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
