Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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