you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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