guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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