Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
