Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
