life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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