I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My breasts were aching with rage.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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