My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
