i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
