Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
