nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
