and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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