i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
