they need to just BURY HIM!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
