The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How external is "for external use only"?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
