Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
