More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no, he came in my armpit
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
