he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
