"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
