My friends, they love my intelligence
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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