On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
