i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
