no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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