Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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