I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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