just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
