I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
