i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
