my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
