I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you didnt know i had herpes?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
