What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
