How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
