im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
