i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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