I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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