Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
