Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
