Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
