Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
