pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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