due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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