Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
