I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
