I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
