She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
