Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
